God's Virtuous Woman

 A study of Proverbs 31

 by

Nancy Rowley

Help for women from the pastor's wife

My dear wife, Nancy, spent her life on earth working for and loving her Lord, her family, and her friends. Nancy went home to be with Jesus Monday, September 14, 1998. It is a blessing to my heart as her husband and her pastor to see the fullfillment of scripture in her life and in her death.

Heb 11:4 ¶ By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.

While she is no longer among us here, yet her works follow. It is my earnest hope and desire that this page may help other women to find a closer walk with God, and a deeper love for their husbands.
Pastor Rowley

THE PREACHER'S WIFE

In Memory of Nancy Rowley, and all faithful preacher wives who "stay by the stuff".

You may talk of the work of the greatest of man,
You may rave about statesmen and teachers;
You may tell all about their achievements, and then,
Let me tell you of the wives of the preachers.

No Martyr was ever more steadfast and true
No soldier was ever more brave;
She's a genius at home, she's a diplomat, too;
And the Best Mother God ever gave.

She has met disappointments with courage so high;
She has battled grim poverty, too.
With a smile on her face and a light in her eye,
And a hope each morning that's new.

She is often alone, but she'll never complain;
And she cheerfully stays by the stuff;
Knowing well that her loss is her dear Master's gain,
And His smile of approval's enough.

She never gets all the credit that's due,
For most of it goes to the preacher;
Few know of the faith and courage so true,
Of this gentle and wonderful creature.

There is coming a day when the whole world shall hear
From the lips of the Crucified One,
Her story in full, told in words sweet and clear,
Hear Him say to her softly, "well done."

And I think that when all of their labors are o'er,
And we know all their unselfish lives,
We'll honor more highly than ever before
The preachers' most wonderful wives.

Author unknown

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

This is a study on Proverbs 31 - Lessons on "God's Virtuous Woman". It was given over the years in several Baptist churches, and was always deemed a great help by those involved. The links can be selected at random, but will be of the most benefit when viewed in order. May God use these studies to be a blessing to you.

For best results, please allow this file to load completely before viewing.

Proverbs 31 | Woman of Virtue | Woman of Trust | Woman of Energy | Woman of Beauty
Woman of Stewardship | Woman of Service | Woman of Preparedness | Woman of Prudence
Woman of Love | Woman of Praise

(You can come back to the top of the page by clicking on the "back" button of your browser, or right click and select "back" on the floating menu)

Has this study been a blessing to you?

Please let us know.

Proverbs 31

MEMORIZE Proverbs 31 vs. 10-31 
READ a Proverbs a day corresponding with the day of the month
FOR an extra blessing, do a study on "rubies".

PURPOSE: 
My purpose in teaching this class is to let ladies know that God has laid out for us in Scripture how we can be happy, feel fulfilled, and rejoice in the position God has allowed us to be in. I see so many ladies, young and old, who are unhappy and want freedom, but don't realize that to get it they must lose themselves.
1 Cor. 13:5: Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; These guidelines, when applied to our lives, will give joy and happiness. I know, I was a very unhappy (although I thought I was happy) woman who longed for joy (real joy) and peace in my heart. I wanted a happy marriage, a cheerfulness that was real, and I wanted to raise my children right and be a good example to them. Children dearly pay for our flounderings and mistakes. I found that joy and freedom. It wasn't easy and never will be, but God's word is faithful and shows us clearly what to do. Balanced with wisdom, we can change and be God's virtuous woman.

BRIEF TESTIMONY OF MY LIFE BEFORE AND AFTER SALVATION

My name is Nancy Rowley. As of the writing of this for our web page, I am 45 yrs. old. I am one of 12 children, born and raised on a farm in central Ohio. It was a life I loved and now miss very much. I grew up with a Christian heritage, grandparents, great-grandparents and back, were all saved. Being raised in church, I got saved at the age of 9 at a revival meeting. I felt the call do some kind of service for the Lord when I was in Bible camp during my teen years. I started then praying for the husband that God would give to me. I met David the summer of 1969. After a year of letters and three visits with each other, we were married in June 1970. From the start, the Lord gave me a peace that he was the right man for me. I had already been praying a long time and because he felt called to preach, it helped confirm it. In 1972, we left a Bible school in Pennsylvania and headed for Pensacola Bible Institute. I cried for a week before we left. Newly married, young, and pregnant, but trusting God and my husband. Those three years are some of the best years to recall. Precious. When graduation time rolled around, my prayer was that God would send us somewhere closer to home (Ohio). My husband's was, "Lord don't put me on the shelf, use me." Graduation night we were given information about a group of people in Chicago who wanted to start a King James Bible Believing church. They flew my husband up and within a short time, we were on our way there. God had answered my prayer, I was closer to home. The lesson I learned there was be careful what you pray for. Yes, I was closer to home, but I also had never had any contact with "city" life and was scared to death. It was there that we started King James Bible Church. The first years were not easy. There wasn't any other pastor's wife or even an older Christian lady to help me during those early years. We had a church full of people who were just off the street. No church background. Sometimes you don't realize that God knows just exactly what you need and how he can best use you. I was just a country girl and it was probably the best thing for those people. No put on airs, no pretense, just me. I got laughed at many a time for being barefoot. But, it was those times that helped people to feel relaxed and more comfortable in church when just having got saved off the streets. As the years continued, we grew. I learned most things the hard way, never having been prepared for what was involved in the ministry. It was because of those times that I got a real burden for young mothers, ladies, teens. I didn't want them to go through what I had gone through. I wanted to help them when they first got married, when they had children, how to understand themselves and what God could do with them if yielded. I wanted to show them that they were loved and could be used by God just as they were. There was a period of about two years in the 10th year of the ministry when I went through a very depressed time in my life. I felt I was worthless as an individual, a mother, wife, and pastor's wife. I thought I couldn't play the piano very well, I couldn't sing as good as someone else. I thought I was no good, a lousy mother. And the list goes on. The Lord brought me through that by way of a man who helped me see myself as God saw me. It opened up a whole new world for me and I can say, I've never been the same since. Sure I have times of being low, but not that worthless feeling I had for so long. We have four children, three girls-Rachel 24, Amy 15, Anna 14,and Matthew-21. (1997) All love the Lord. All want to do something for God. I have sweet granddaughter- Sarah 2-1/2. God has been so good to me. How can I ever express in words his blessings over the last 26 years? So...this study is a result of those times and things that I've learned, some the right way, some the hard way. I pray that it will be an encouragement to you. I welcome your comments and response to this study. God bless!

Proverbs

The book of Job answers the great problems of life, suffering, evil, death, retribution, and the supernatural forces which bear on man's life. David's Psalms give a vivid view of worship by God's people. The book of Proverbs states the causes, results, and value of good and evil, and establishes the law of absolutes and "ultimates" which prevent mankind from getting together against the "Lord of Heaven". The Proverbs will deal in "hot or cold", "up or down", "righteous or wicked", "just or unjust", "heaven or hell", or "right or wrong". Proverbs means : to make like-- to have dominion-- a comparison-- to set alongside or place side by side. Proverbs are designed to impart wisdom by comparing spiritual things with things spiritual. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. I Cor. 2:13

The key word throughout Proverbs is wisdom-- 
Proverbs 1:7 Proverbs 28:5 ...but they that seek the Lord understand all things.

WISDOM'S definition from Webster's 1828 dictionary: 
Wisdom is true religion; godliness; piety; the knowledge and fear of God, sincere and uniform obedience to his commands. If you want to acquire it, it is the knowledge and use of what is best, most just, most proper, most conductive to prosperity or happiness.

A. WORLDLY WISDOM
1. The accumulation of man's tricks to preserve himself (without God) and get what he wants with a minimum amount of conscience pangs. 
2. Produces the present world situation:
   pride, wrath, envy, confusion, jealousy, war, rumors of war 
    Matt. 24, James 4, II Cor. 7 

B. HEAVENLY WISDOM 
1. Heavenly wisdom is the work of the Holy Spirit revealed through the Word of God
2. Heavenly wisdom produces the fruit of the Spirit Gal. 5:22 
3. Heavenly wisdom worketh repentance to salvation.

In the book of Proverbs a "wise man" is one who:
1. wins souls -Prov. 11:30 
2. inherits glory -Prov. 3:35 
3. receives commandments -Prov. 10:8 
4. hearkens to counsel -Prov.12:15 
5. guards his tongue -Prov. 29:11
6. seeks knowledge -Prov. 18:15 
7. disperses knowledge -Prov. 15:7 
8. fears and departs from evil -Prov.14:16

So... to know wisdom indicates the ability to draw judgment in moral and spiritual matters and to discern spiritual issues. (look up all the verses on wisdom in Proverbs) We want to look at the woman described in Proverbs 31 to observe her character (her quality, pattern of behavior, moral strength, and self discipline; her distinguishing traits) and to develop these character qualities in our own daily lives.

Christs Plan For Me

When I stand at the Judgment seat of Christ,
And he shows his plan for me--
The plan of my life as it might have been,
Had he had his way, and I see
How I blocked him there, and I checked him here
And I would not yield my will--
Will there be grief in my Saviour's eyes,
Grief, tho he loves me still?
He would have me rich, and I stand there poor,
Stripped of all but his grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the path I can't retrace!
Then my desolate heart will well-nigh break
With the tears I cannot shed;
I will cover my face with my empty hands, 
I will bow my uncrowned head.
Oh Lord, of the years that are left to me
I give them to thy hand;
Take me, break me, mold me to
The Pattern that thou hast for me.

--Author unknown

DEFINITIONS FROM THE 1828 DICTIONARY OF WORDS MENTIONED IN PROVERBS

prudent- careful about one's conduct; using good judgment or common sense in handling practical matters, wise, intelligent, frugal

froward- stubbornly contrary and disobedient

contentious- quarrelsome, perverse, given to angry debate

perverse- disposed to contradict and oppose

ignominy- disgraceful action

brawling- to argue noisily, quarreling

whorish- lewd, unchaste, addicted to unlawful sexual pleasures

gracious- marked by kindness and warm courtesy- of a compassionate or merciful nature, excellent, becoming

foolish- lacking good sense or judgment, silly-unwise, weak in intellect

odious- to hate- arousing hatred or extreme dislike

chaste- denotes purity, pure from all unlawful commerce of sexes; undefiled, if married, true to the marriage bed

virtuous- goodness, righteous, pure- a conforming to standards of what is right and just and to approved codes of behavior; goodness implies inherent qualities of kindness, benevolence, and generosity

moral- relating to the practice, manners or conduct of men as social beings in relation to each other, and with reference to right and wrong. The word moral is applicable to actions that are good or evil, virtuous or vicious, and has reference to the law of God as the standard by which their character is to be determined.

wisdom- true religion; godliness; piety; the knowledge and fear of God, sincere and uniform obedience to his commands. If you want to acquire it, it is the knowledge and use of what is best, most just, most proper, most conductive to prosperity or happiness.


 

I wrote some of these definitions right over the word in my Bible. It helped me to understand better what kind of person God was talking about in the passage.

A Brief Summary Of Proverbs 31:10-30

A Virtuous Woman

                  Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

An article written by Daniel Sheard in Israel, My Glory, March-May/1988, entitled "Who Can Find A Virtuous Woman?" gives God's picture of Wisdom. He writes: Men, I am sorry. God did not personify wisdom by applauding the virtues of a man. This is not to say that He could not; God can do anything. But He did so by picturing wisdom through the finest qualities of womanhood, and there is something uniquely appropriate in this analogy.  The Book of Proverbs praises the supreme value of an excellent wife by alluding to her as wisdom itself, a priceless gem. "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies: (Prov. 31:10; cp. Prov. 3:15, 8:3). God did not conclude this, the most famous book on wisdom ever written, with a platitude that is difficult to grasp. He gave a flesh and blood picture of true excellence and did so by describing the ideal wife. 
  
I appreciate this perspective of a virtuous woman. It's a good view and one that we should take note of. We tend to be down on ourselves so much. When I teach on a virtuous woman, most women think they'll never attain unto what is laid down in Scripture. To me, it's like the Christian walk. If we look at those around us, we'll tend to get discouraged. We're all at a different level. Just like children, you wouldn't expect your 6 yr. old to do what a 15 yr. old is doing. It's the same with you. God sees you right where you are and that's where you need to get up and get going from. When more light is given, more is required.  We don't get in bad shape over night, so we shouldn't expect to fix everything overnight.

Definition of Virtuousness: goodness, righteous, purity. A conforming to standards of what is right and just and to approved codes of behavior; goodness implies inherent qualities of kindness, benevolence, and generosity. 
The virtuous woman is a woman of strength; though the weaker vessel, she is yet made strong by wisdom and grace and fear of God. Perhaps one reason for the rarity of a virtuous woman is that she is seldom sought. Too often the search is made for accomplishments and external qualities rather than for godly internal worth.

In the book, Me? Obey Him? pg 12-21 by Elizabeth Hanford Rice we read, " If the Lord Jesus Christ, God Himself, submitted to the authority of the Father, it is no shame or dishonor for a woman to be under authority. A woman is subject to her husband, but she can still go directly to God to ask anything she needs or desires and get it as quickly as if she were a man. God hears the prayers of a godly woman as quickly as he hears the prayers of a godly man." I Cor. 11:7-12 says...You are a representation of your husband. During the time when I was so depressed, I would go to church and look like the unhappiest person there. I didn't want to be there. I felt no good. Then one day when my husband was preaching, he made the statement that a woman is a representation of her husband. If she looks down, sad, mad, angry, happy, you name it, it is a reflection on her husband. That sentence jumped out at me. I knew that my husband loved me, he was good to me, and here I was telling all the world what a miserable husband I had. It was enough to bring me out of my present condition. God made the man to be the achiever, the doer, to provide for the home and protect it, to be high priest and intercessor for the home. God made the woman to be keeper of the home, to make a haven within its walls, a retreat from the stress of battle, the nourisher of the children. Make your home a haven. About 13 yrs. into the ministry my husband had to take on a job. He had a horrible boss and had a stressful day, everyday. He would step inside the door of the house, sit down, and say, "Oh how wonderful to be home. Peace and contentment." Does your husband feel that way. Or is your home a place of turmoil and discontentment? What kind of a home do you make for your family?

A woman is different from a man! A woman is different in her body, in her interests, in her thinking, in her abilities: not inferior-- different. A woman can choose nearly any occupation she likes. But I deny that she will find fulfillment that will surpass that which a godly Christian woman finds who, secure in the knowledge of her womanhood and its rightness, builds a home for her husband and children! Her confidence in her ability to be a help, meet for her husband's needs comes as she finds her place in the order of authority. WOMAN'S NATURE REQUIRES OBEDIENCE I Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over a man,. Eve's sin was because she was deceived. Adam's was not. He knew the consequences of eating the forbidden fruit. She did not. Women are more often led into spiritual error than men. It might be because of her emotions. But, she doesn't have to be led in error. That is the reason God commanded her not to usurp authority over the man, so she can be protected from false doctrine. Submission to our husbands gives us an umbrella or protection. When a wife rejects her God-given authority, she leaves herself open to false teaching. When a woman takes the spiritual leadership of the home, it always leads to tragedy. My mother was an excellent example to me in her submission to my father. Submitting has not been a struggle for me. I enjoy not having the responsibility of answering to God for decisions. The thing I answer to God for is whether I submitted to my head and supported him. You don't always have to agree with them. There have been times I didn't agree with my husband, but then that's where prayer comes in. I gave it to God and left it at that. It's our nature to want to manipulate and control to get what we want. We can't do that. Sometimes God will use a mistake to teach a lesson that wouldn't otherwise be learned. We need to keep our hands off.

The following are some examples of those who chose their own way instead of trusting God. We need to take heed to keep from making the same mistakes.

1. Sarah- Gives Hagar to Abram to help God out. Arab-Jew conflict still going on today Gen. 16
2. Rebekah- I'll cook the venison for your father- we'll deceive him so you can get the blessing. She     was never able to see Jacob alive again. Gen. 27
3. Solomon- Let his many wives take the spiritual leadership of the home. They turned away his     heart after other gods. I Kings. 11
Proverbs reveals the wisdom Solomon gained about strange women. We would do well to take heed to his instruction. God expects a woman to obey her husband. The husband-wife relationship pictures the holy, sweet relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church, and also because we are commanded in Scripture to obey. Eph. 5:22-24 The Lord intends for marriage to be as delightful, as sweet and intimate and tender as the relationship He wants us to experience with Him. The virtuous woman is faithful to her husband. A virtuous woman is one who is pure, who abstains from a sexual relationship other than with her husband, a woman who is not suggestive; she is free from obscenity and indecency; she is modest, pure and decent. How do you dress? Are you modest? What is modest? Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful. (Webster's 1828) Be careful about how you dress. Dress to glorify the Lord not to draw attention from the eyes of men. When you get ready to go out, ask yourself these questions.

1. Is my garment too tight- does it draw attention to the wrong areas? What about the weight of the     material, is it too thin?
2. Is it too short- when I sit, am I covered properly- check your legs.
3. Am I pleasing in my husband's eyes? We'll study more about all this in the lesson on beauty.

Strive to be God's woman. In no other book in the Bible besides Proverbs do we find so many references to loose women and grim warnings against any association with them. Of 28 references to "woman" in Proverbs,  19 of those references are bad. Women in this day and age are sacrificing their femininity and nobility and are striving to be more like men. Let's be Christian women who want to keep ourselves unspotted from the world and glorify God by our lives. We cannot reach that goal of excellence without the Lord Jesus Christ and the strength he offers. We must know Christ personally to draw upon this strength. Only then can we work towards the goal of being God's virtuous woman. Sharon Rhoades says in her book, Pattern From Proverbs 31, A virtuous woman is a complete, happy, fulfilled woman when she has the characteristics of the Proverbs lady. She is the personification of all the virutes and strengths of character demonstrated throughout the book of Proverbs. She is definitely a pattern to follow.

A Woman of Trust
                                              

Proverbs 31:11,12 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She  will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

A woman who loves God in a righteous way expressing warmth and true affection is a desirable wife. She will develop these characteristics as found in Galatians 5:22,23.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

The following material was taken from an article by Melanie Graeber entitled,  WHAT I WOULD TELL A YOUNG WIFE published in "Joyful Woman" March/April 1988.

1. In order for a marriage to survive it has to based on divine love.  Human love, based on emotions, is nice, but it isn't enough to weather the storms a marriage endures over the years. Human love could fail.  By allowing the Holy Spirit to control you, you can love your husband     with the kind of love described in I Corinthians 13.  This love is longsuffering, kind, and totally void of envy and selfishness.

2. Realize that God's love is sacrificial.  The world looks upon love as something you receive.  God,     however, looks upon it as something you give. John 3:16 tells me that God so loved the world     that He gave His only begotten Son.  Real love gave and kept on giving, regardless of what it     received in return.  This love was an action based upon a commitment that said, "I will love you     for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.  Regardless of how you feel about me, I will     love you."  The most important lesson to learn is forgiveness.  It is the key that will keep your     heart open to love.  Learn to take Ephesians 4:32 to heart and live in that verse every day of    your married life-- to be kind to your husband, tenderhearted, forgiving him, even as God for     Christ's sake has forgiven you.  To refuse to forgive, regardless of the offense, is to kill the love     and allow bitterness to take root in your heart.  Find out that the more you forgive, and the     higher the price of that forgiveness, the deeper your love will grow.  When you think of what it     cost Christ to forgive you, somehow the price of forgiving your husband seems small in     comparison.

3. Good marriages just don't happen.  They take work.  Prov. 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her     house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.  Just as you need to work on your     relationship with the Lord each day in order to keep it growing, you have to work on the     marriage relationship as well.  You need to do things that will make it grow and keep the love     alive.

4. God ordained marriage in the first place.  It is His desire that your marriage becomes all He     intended it to be.  If you live your life according to His Word and based on your  relationship on     His principles, God will honor you for it.

Simply stated, a goal to be trustworthy might be expressed like this: "By God's grace, I purpose to do and be everything--large or small-- that I am counted upon to do and be."  We know that every good gift is from God, but one of the best and rarest gifts of all is a prudent wife. (Prov. 19:14)  House and riches [are] the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife [is] from the LORD.   Definition of prudent:  wise, judicious, wisely cautious in practical affairs, sagacious, (quick of thought) discreet, circumspect, using care and caution and good judgment as well as wisdom in looking ahead.

A man is indeed blessed if he can trust his wife to be honest, discreet, free from covetousness, and dependable in her domain. Being the woman her husband can trust is one of the jobs of "wifing".  It requires constant effort, but it reaps great rewards in appreciation and love.  A man needs to be able to trust his wife to be dependable in her domain.  To be dependable in the area of her domestic responsibilities requires discipline and diligence, the ability to follow a set of priorities, and genuine concern for the comfort and welfare of the family. It seems that more and more women are more interested in acquiring things for themselves than the welfare of the family. Daycares packed with little children are the result of this goal of women. God help these poor children who are constantly shifted from one babysitter, to another, to daycare. They've already got two strikes against them before they hardly get started out in the world.

She is honest.  Honesty with one's self, with God, and with all those whose lives our lives touch, is essential and basic to trustworthiness.  It is hardest to be honest with ourselves. It is not easy to cultivate a heart of meticulous honesty.  We must recognize the need for it, and have the desire, and then ask God to give us "an honest and good heart." We must be willing to scrutinize carefully all our attitudes and actions to determine if we are being honest--with ourselves, with God, and with others. It's a temptaion to try to make ourselves look better when telling something. Whether it be one more than what actually was done, or an inch longer than we did, or a little bigger than it really was. The natural thing for us to do is to push it a little. Guard yourselves against this. Purpose in your heart to be honest in every word and deed. Set a good example for those children.

Discreet- Her husband should be able to share confidences with her in the comfortable assurance that he can safely trust her "faithful spirit" to conceal these matters.  A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. (Proverbs 11:13)  A discreet spirit is especially needful in the wife of a church officer. Ladies, guard your mouth. I learned the hard way. A moral wrong was done in our church at one point and circumstances dictated that we keep it simple. I made just a passing statement to a friend of mine who in turn put some other things together and it revealed the incident and I was put in a horrible position. I learned immediately the importance of a closed mouth. Don't get caught in the trap. I took a verse and quoted it every time I had the impulse to gossip. Yes, gossip. The verse had the words, Psalms 141:3 Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. It helped me gain a victory.  We need to be one who can be trusted to keep confidences. It is an invaluable help to the husband. Another thing you need to be is a sincerely interested listener. When you listen to someone, give them your full attention. Don't be thinking ahead of what you're going to say. You can always tell when someone isn't really giving you their full attention. Don't be more interested in what you can say, but rather what you can hear. The combination of sincere interest and trustworthiness is vital.

A man should be able to trust his wife to be free from covetousness.  Picture a wife who is never content with what her husband can give her and constantly lets him know how inadequately he provides.  She is like the one in Ecc. 5:10 He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this [is] also vanity. The person greedy of gain can only bring trouble to his household, but "Godliness with contentment is great gain"  I Tim. 6:6.  Contentment is not that I have what I want, but that I want what I have.

Finally, a man needs to be able to trust his wife to be dependable in her domain.  To be dependable in the area of her domestic responsibilities requires discipline and diligence, the  ability to follow a set of priorities, and a genuine concern for the comfort and welfare of the family.

Always guard your reputation for integrity, honesty and trustworthiness.  Riches are uncertain, but no one can rob you of your good name.  As God-fearing women we owe trustworthiness not only to our nearest and dearest, but to all those with whom we have to do.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:21-25). To many women, the idea of submission sounds degrading.  There are both practical and theological reasons behind the concept of submission.  First, there is creation.  Adam was created first, Eve came second and she was the help.  Second, there is the Fall.  Eve was deceived, Adam was not.  Because of this, Adam was to rule over Eve. Gen. 3:16    Another reason for following the Biblical principles for headship is because it works!  To be submissive to her husband does not mean a wife gives up her right to think or to be an individual or become less of a person.   The key to submission is that the Bible tells a wife to be submissive; therefore she must do it. Setting boundaries for your children allows them to feel secure in knowing what they can and can't do. It's the same when we submit to God's authority, you will feel secure. Before she is willing to be subject to her husband, she must be willing to be submissive to the Lord.  A wife is doing her husband the greatest good when she allows him to be head of the home.   Submission is defined as "yielding, surrendering, giving way to."  Jesus Christ is our example of perfect submission and total dependence on God. SUBMISSION IS AN ATTITUDE BEFORE IT IS AN ACT.  To submit to God is more than to simply obey.  It is to abide in Him, to rest in Him, to lean on Him, to trust Him, to adhere to Him, and to abandon oneself to Him.  This is submission-- complete confidence that God's plan for us is the very best thing that could happen to us.

Be careful about those whom God has put in authority over you. Again, watch your attitude.  Faultfinders and backbiters will soon be found outside the service of God.  Are you a trouble maker in church?  Do you find fault with how things are run?  Do you rebel in your own way against the authority established?  Do you realize that your rebellion will cause someone else to rebel?  Do you give a particular situation to God and let him deal with it?  The same goes for the home.  Do you criticize your husband in front of the children? Don't do it. You are teaching them to do the same thing when they grow up. They'll start in the home. I can't ever remember my mother criticizing my father in front of us. If they had a disagreement, we never knew about it. Learn to voice your concern alone with your husband. Teach your children to respect their dad, build him up, not cut him down. The greatest tool for when something is done that you may not like and you want to rise up and rebel,  is prayer. It works. Commit something to God and let him do the rest. Do right-- even if you don't like something-- but beware your attitude-- remember submission is an attitude before it is an act. Again, your attitude will rub off on your children and next thing you know, they'll be acting the same way. Have you ever watched a little girl play doll and some of the things she says and does. Quite revealing!!

When recognizing and repenting of rebellion against God-appointed authority, attitudes will change.  Submission is an attitude of the heart.  It is a willingness to obey God.  The highest respect anyone can give God is to obey Him.  When you do this, you will find that coming into an attitude of submission produces freedom. Women are expected to live in a manner that is above reproach so dishonor and criticism will not be brought on the Word of God. When one is loyal to Christ in daily living and obedient through submission to those in authority, no one will suffer because of a lack of faithfulness.  Be sure to teach your children respect for God-given authority.

A good verse for starting out each day with the right kind of attitude. Memorize:  Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10)

WAYS TO HELP YOUR PASTOR  AND THOSE IN AUTHORITY IN YOUR CHURCH 
1. PRAY  Pray for your pastor and his family. I am a pastor's wife. I know how vital prayer is!
2. SUBMIT  Acknowledge your pastor as the spiritual leader of the  congregation. 
3. GET BUSY  Do something in your church. Oh how much I appreciate those who come and want to do something to help out. One lady bought me a microwave because she said my time was valuable and she wanted to help me save some time. I would have never thought of something like that.
4. BE HONEST  Encourage him by telling him if the sermons are a blessing or help to you. 
5. BE PATIENT  Be patient with your pastor.  He has a big job and  lots of problems to deal with    everyday.  Don't be one of them.

Application: 
Can others really count on me?  On a scale of 1 to 10 (1-can never be counted on; 10- can always be counted on) where would I rank?  If under 10, what am I going to do about it?
Is this the desire of my heart:  By God's grace, I purpose to do and be everything- large or small -that I am counted upon to do and be?
Do I really trust God?  Thinking back over the past 24 hours, was there a time when I was not trusting God?  A time when I really was?

Prayer: "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, O, for grace to trust Him more."

A Woman of Energy
                                        

Proverbs 31:13-16,19,24

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

This lesson describes the Proverbs lady as a woman who is not only the wife of a man of rank, but a wise, useful, and godly matron in her domestic responsibilities. It is a woman professing godliness, adorned "with good works" (I Timothy 2:10).

The following is a sketch of a very lazy woman taken from A Woman That Feareth the Lord by Emalyn Spencer:

"She loves to sleep! Too bad that sometimes this habit keeps her from going to the grocery store when she should, or cooking a good meal for her family (20: 13). She doesn't work very hard in her house, but spends much time talking on the telephone-her family is deprived of care and comfort due to her neglect (14:23). She has good intentions, but something always prevents her from carrying them out. For instance, today she was going to clean out some closets, but there was a lion in the street (26:13). She might make some cookies, but then she would just have to go to the trouble of eating them (26:15). O, well, a little nap would be nice, and as she drops off to sleep she thinks of all the things she wishes she had, and can't understand why she never has anything (13:4). O, the bed is so comfortable-she is fastened to it as a door is to its hinges (26:14). When she finally does rouse from sleep she occupies herself with vain pursuits, such as TV soap operas or trashy reading material (28:19). She gets dressed, goes to the store and hunts up a roast. But when she gets home it's too late to cook it (12:27), so she serves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for supper. She is a sore trial and a great irritation to those who depend on her (10:26). She makes such slow progress in anything she does that it's as though she were making her way through a thick hedge of thorns (15: 19). What a wasteful way of life! (18:9). When will she wake up to reality (6:9)? Friends, in love, have tried to help her (27:6; Gal. 6:1) and reason with her about the foolishness of her ways. But nobody can tell her anything-she is smarter than all of them put together (26:16; 26:12). Actually, she is so lacking in wisdom that the lowly any could be her teacher (6:6-11)."

This may seem a little to the extreme, but it does help to teach two great object lessons on diligence and slothfulness in the book of Proverbs. The lesson of the ant (Proverbs 6:6-11; 30:24) and the field of the slothful (24:30-34). The sluggard is instructed to go to the ant, consider her ways and be wise, which implies that he is lacking in wisdom. It is explicitly stated that the slothful owner of the field is a person without understanding. anyone who ignores the warnings, instructions, and commandments of God is foolish.

It is evident that the Proverbs woman is dedicated to the welfare of her household. God does not unreasonably expect more from us that he has given us the ability and strength to do. Verse 13 says she "worketh willingly with her hands". Working willingly is a mental attitude. It is being pleased with housework, having a desire to do it and taking delight in doing it-- all for the purpose of glorifying God. No one expects a woman to like everything she has to do-- dusting, ironing, washing the dishes, matching socks, (I sometimes think the washing machine eats socks the way they turn up missing.) picking up toys. However, God does expect Christian women to do these things willingly as unto him. When you do these things with a willing spirit, your example will be an reflection on your children; their approach to life. This will carry over into their walk with the Lord and how they will respond when he tells them to do something. I like the verse in Colossians 3.17 which says "and whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord, Jesus giving thanks to God and the Father by him." Let's look at some areas of our lives in which this might hold true.

Taken from the book Beautiful for Thee, Sword of the Lord.

I. Three Kinds of Values
        A. Immediate
              1. food, sleep, physical things
        B. Intermediate
              1. values that prepare us for something better
                   a. sewing
                   b. canning
        C. Ultimate (eternal)
                 1. Raising your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
              2. Your relationship to Jesus Christ
                  John 2:17; Mark 8:35; Phil. 3:7,8.14

If you keep your eternal values in front of you, then little things that bother you day by day won't be such a big deal. Let's look at examples of women who lost eternal values and those who had eternal values.

Eve: Wanted to be smart- She allowed herself to be lured by the immediate: Good for food, pleasant to the eyes, and a desire to be wise. Genesis 3:6

Sarah: God needed help with the promised son- Her faith became weak. God sure was taking a long time with this promised son and she thought He could use some help. Boy, what a mess we have today because of that mistake. Genesis 16:1-2

Orpah: She would rather be with her pagan family then start over in a new country and new opportunities. Ruth 1:14-15

Sapphira: Sold land and gave money, but she was not concerned about pleasing God but impressing people. Lied. Acts 5:7-10

Martha: She was cumbered about with much service rather than hearing what the Lord had to say. Luke 10:40. I have to be careful in this area. We find ourselves so busy doing what we think is service for the Lord that we forget to sit and hear what he has to say to us.

Had Eternal Values:

Ruth: She gave up home and family for something better. God blessed her with a child in the line of Jesus. Ruth 4:13, 17-22

Hannah: She gave up joys of motherhood and lent her boy to the Lord. God blessed her for it. I Samuel 1:26-28 My daughter lives in Washington state-1200 miles away. I don't get to see our granddaughter very much. People say to me, "How do you stand it?" I stand it because I would rather have them 1200 miles away serving the Lord than living next door breaking my heart. Maybe that's how it was for Hannah.

Queen Esther: She could have stayed quiet about being a Jew, but she put her life on the line for her people. Obtained favor of the king. God blessed her also. Esther 4:13-17; 9.

I. Values cannot be chosen on the basis of what other people think      
        A. Base it on what God expects of you. He is the one you are accountable to Rms. 14:12
        B. You won't live by the right values and priorities if you don't plan
           1. Your love relationship with the Lord
           2. Your devotion to your husband
              3. Your love relationship with your children
           4. Your devotion to your home
           5. Your devotion to Christian service
     C. Values must always be linked to the priorities God has already given us
           1. You are a woman, everything you do will be based on the fact that you are one.
           2. If you're married, it will have an affect as a wife
           3. If you have children, it will effect them
           4. It will effect the clothes you wear
           5. It will effect submission
      D. List things you most want to do with your life--goals
           1. Soul winner
           2. Have a hunger for the Lord Jesus and the word of God
           3. Be good influence in lives you touch
           4. Help husband
                a. prayer, love, attention
           5. Children
                a. develop good character, love for God, others in need, eternal values
           6. Deep and genuine love for other people
           7. Accept myself as God made me
           8. Use time to its fullest
           9. Prayer
         10. Be abreast of what's going on in the world
         11. Apply word of God and use it in my life
         12. Use gifts God has given me in service for him
         13. Strong sensitivity to sin and practice of heart searching Psalms 51:10
         14. Have a joy and expectation in seeing my Saviour

These don't necessarily go in this order but they can give you an idea of goals needed in our lives. Make everyday count for the Lord. No values must distract from the responsibility God has already placed in your life. None of these important things should be excluded from a healthy, balanced Christian life; but each must learn its place. If your love relationship to your husband and children and your duties at home and church have become too numerous for you to have a quiet time with the Lord, then you have your priorities wrong. If you have so much work to do in the church that your home is in a constant chaotic condition, then you have not put your home in its proper position. Periodically give yourself a priorities test. Make sure they are in proper order.

Maybe you can see already that you are in trouble in this area of priorities. If so, start at the top and begin to organize your life as it should be. Concentrate on the relationship with the Lord. Begin to love your husband as you should. Accept him exactly as he is today and learn not to focus on his faults. Praise him. Support what he says and does. Even if he is wrong, he is to be right in your eyes. If he is right in your eyes, you'll teach your children to love and support their dad no matter what. Give him room to make mistakes without your chiding, reproof, or a triumphant, "I told you so."

In verse 15 it says "she riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens." The Proverbs woman shuns slothfulness. None of us wants to admit to being slothful, but most of us succumb to the temptation to be lazy at times, and especially if laziness is wearing one of its disguises such as these:

Procrastination - Characterized by hundreds of good intentions, but always gets put off. Rationalization - Talking ourselves out of doing hard things.
No time - We never have time to do what we don't want to do, although we waste much time on unprofitable activities.
That is not my gift- I don't do that particular thing well. Most of us who use this excuse are still wondering what our gifts are.

How to conquer slothfulness
1. Have a physical exam to rule out physical causes.
2. Check your habits of eating, sleep, and exercise.
3. Take spiritual inventory- Are you growing as a Christian.
4. Confess and repent of slothfulness (Ps. 139:23,24)
5. Apply the practice of diligence (Ecc. 9:10a)

We can easily get in the habit of staying in bed until the last possible moment. For some, it's hard to take when you hear of an early riser who delights in getting up with the sun. The Bible gives many examples of early risers. The following are a few of them:

Abraham- rose early to stand before the Lord- Gen. 19:27
Jacob- rose early to worship the Lord- Gen. 28:18
Moses- rose early to give God's message to Pharaoh- Exodus 8:20
Moses- rose early to build an altar to God- Exodus 24:4
Joshua- rose early to lead Israel over Jordan- Joshua 3:1
Joshua- rose early to capture Jericho- Joshua 6:12
Gideon- rose early to examine the fleece- Judges 6:36-38
Hannah- rose early to worship God- I Samuel 1:9
Samuel- rose early to meet Saul- I Samuel 15:12
David- rose early to do as his father asked him- I Samuel 17:20
Job- rose early to offer sacrifices for his children- Job 1:5
Virtuous woman- rose early to care for her household- Proverbs 31:15
Jesus- rose early to go to a solitary place to pray- Mark 1:35
Mary Magdalene- Mary- rose early to go to the sepulchre - Mark 16:1,2
All the people- rose early to go hear Jesus- Luke 21:38

The energetic woman loves her house-hold better than her ease or pleasure. You can't stay up late and expect to get anything accomplished the next day. Be sure to be there for your family in the morning when each goes there separate way, whether to school or work. (Ladies, be sure you look half-way decent when telling your husband goodbye. He may be working with a lot of lovely ladies).

Be careful about boredom. There are some things you can do so as not to fall prey to it.
1. Visiting homes
2. Learn a craft
3. Baby sit for a mother to give her a break
4. Cook for a sick person
5. Use your own imagination

The Proverbs woman has free rein to buy and sell. Her husband has complete confidence in her. She is not an impulse buyer. A good rule of thumb that we used to use with our kids was to make them wait a week when they wanted to buy something. If at the end of that week they still wanted it, then we would consider letting them get it. (This was using their money). Before you buy something, take into consideration all the facts concerned with that purchase. Make sure it won't be a hardship on the rest of the family.

The Proverbs woman used a spinning wheel in her day. We don't have to do that today, but there are many other time-consuming jobs that we do need to work on. Teaching and training our children in the ways of the Lord. I am a firm believer in home schooling. I see the school system out there as the lion's den just waiting to consume our children. Don't forget that you only have approximately 18 years with your children. Then they are out in the world starting to establish lives of their own. Do your best. Church work is also a time consuming job. Do it well. Keep your priorities right. Work on friendships. So few people today have any real friends. I thank God for the friends he has given me and especially for the one or two that have stuck with me through thick or thin. They have helped me through rough times and I have been able to do the same for them. However, the most demanding, with the greatest rewards, is that of working on the marriage. The marriage is "till death do us part." Children and friends may come and go, but your mate is for a lifetime. Your marriage deserves prime time and effort. One day the children will be gone. If you haven't worked at keeping a closeness with your husband, all of a sudden, you'll be living with a man you don't know.

Should you work?

You need to know God's will about this. Philippians 2:13 says "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." So, first, is it God's will for you to work? Your most important job is your home, your husband and your children. Verse 11 says "the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her." This means that our home, our family must be most important. When we are considering God's will about working, we need to find out, can we have our priorities right? If you are married, have children, and your husband is able to work, then I believe it is your responsibility to stay in the home and take care of the children. God wants you to raise those children, not the daycare center or the baby sitter. There have been times when we couldn't make ends meet. I could have gone out and worked, but I have children still in the home and my job was here. When we needed things, we got down on our knees in the living room and asked God to supply. He met the need and taught our children faith by learning to trust God instead of "mom". Now I know this is rough for some ladies to take. It is something we have stood very firm on over the years, and God hasn't failed us. When we got married, my husband and decided that when I had children, then I wouldn't work anymore. That's exactly what we did too! The longer we're in the ministry, the more we see the pitfalls of a woman working and the conflict it causes in the home. The following are some negative and some positive views of working outside the home.

Negative:

1. A working woman tends to get her eyes off the Lord and on the world. They have earnings     rather than eternity in mind.